gratitude {november 1}

Little things that come together...

The "fall back" time change got my big dog Ted and me out on our morning walk during that time in between dark and light. Before we went out the door, for whatever reason, I grabbed my big camera to take with me. Outside was so peaceful; no cars or people on the streets. The brisk air jolted me out of some brain fog: fog that came from the hour time difference, fog from thinking about my father-in-law's passing and my kids losing two grandparents in five months, fog from missing my chocolate Lab, Hunter, whose soft ears were such a comfort when I was stressing out. 

So Ted stopped to pee and I looked up and saw the full blue moon. We weren't far from the river walk. I'm dragging Ted, bribing him with biscuits to hurry him to the path along the Great Miami so I could take a picture. We made it, Ted got a biscuit, and I snapped a few photos. This moon has me geeking out a little: there hasn't been a full moon on Halloween since 1944, it's a blue moon (2nd full moon in the same month), and it's also known as the Hunter's Moon. 

Call it what you will...fate, happenstance, serendipity, God wink...

You all make it a great day.

ohio sighting in illinois {chicago}

When I travel, I love where I am, but I'm always delighted to find a tie to my home state of Ohio.

While walking my dog in Lincoln Park on a lovely spring day, we took a side alley to avoid pedestrian and dog traffic on the city sidewalks.

This brick-paved alley's name is Szathmary Lane and I figured it had to be named after someone. Who was this Szathmary person? There were quite a few Szathmarys in Chicago but this alley was named after Louis Szathmary, a Hungarian-American chef, writer, and public personality. He was a pioneering force in the food service profession and is best known for heading the Chicago restaurant, The Bakery, and for writing the New York Times bestseller The Chef's Secret Cookbook. Szathmary's involvement with the early frozen food industry, his numerous cookbooks and articles and his persona established him as an icon in the culinary arts industry. The Bakery, located at 2218 N. Lincoln Avenue, was in business from 1963-1989, and in 1974 the alley behind the former business was renamed to recognize Louis Szathmary's contributions to the neighborhood.

Now where does Ohio come into this? The alley is paved with bricks and some of the bricks are labeled Athens Block. I happen to have 3 Ohio University Bobcats in my family and spent some wonderful days on the Ohio University campus in Athens, Ohio.

The Athens Brick Company first opened in 1890 on Stimson Avenue and the company shipped the Athens Block bricks around the world, primarily for street paving. Just think, a small company in a rural, Appalachian town in southeastern Ohio paved some streets in the 3rd largest city in the United States. 

caregiving

For the last four years, much of my life has been centered on my mom's health. She took a quick plunge into the world of dementia and is now in an assisted living facility, where she needs to be. It's been an exhausting and eye-opening experience, but one filled with laughter and love.

I took a creative writing class and the last thing I wanted to write about was my caregiving experience. But those ideas were all that came to me. It was what consumed my life and as I wrote, it helped me to put some things into perspective. And to laugh.

There is nothing funny about dementia or a brain tumor or any disease that dramatically reduces the quality of one’s life.

Except sometimes, there is. And as a caregiver I am slowly realizing although the sickness is not a laughing matter, laughing at the silly situations it puts me in is healthy. 

My mom has a tumor the size of a pea imbedded deep in her brain and it affects her cognitive and physical abilities. Even though her once beautiful handwriting looks like  chicken scratchings and her short term memory is fleeting, that does not stop her from being a list maker extraordinaire. 

On a recent visit to her 12 x 12 assisted living room, she hands me a lengthy list with instructions that she needs these items right away. It was 8:00 p.m. “I don’t expect you to run out this evening to get these things. Tomorrow will be fine.”

The next morning, list in hand, I head out to Walgreen’s. Olay Day and Night creams, check. Toothpaste, check. Bath soap (not face soap), check. Shampoo, check. Kleenex, check. Depends...oh, God, here we go. Put the sunglasses on. Look over my shoulder to see if there is anyone I know in the store. I feel like a teenage girl walking down the feminine hygiene aisle praying that no one sees me buy these things. Just what I need is to be the gossip going around Kettering: “Do you know that Diane H. wears Depends?” 

Hail Mary, full of grace...

I’m on my third Hail Mary as I get to the check out line. One person in front of me, no one behind me. And it stays that way. Thank you, thank you.

Next stop, Dorothy Lane Market. Lemon cookies and maple cookies, check. Pretzels, check. Grapes, check. Prunes...oh, God. The conversation we had last night.

Mom wrote down that she needed prunes...3 times. 

“Mom, prunes are on your list 3 times. Do you want that many?”

Her steely blue eyes stare me down and she matter-of-factly states, “ I eat 3 prunes everyday. I go through them quickly and I do not want to run out of them.”

She’s mad that I questioned the list. To lighten up the situation, I try to tap into my witty brother’s humor. What would Mike say? He always makes Mom laugh. I giggle, “Geez, Mom, that’s a shitload of prunes!” 

The steely blue eyes get even steelier as she gives me the you-need-your-mouth-washed-out-with-soap look. 

Note to self: Don’t give Mom crap about regularity. It’s serious business.

I stroll to the check out line, feeling a little more relaxed from the Walgreen’s experience: No dark glasses, no checking over my shoulder. The line is short, no familiar faces...until I look at the cashier. She’s a former student, probably now around 19 years old, and I have 3 bags of prunes in my cart. 

“Hi, Julia! How are you? How’s school? How’s your sister doing?” Blah, blah, blah. I keep the chitchat going as she scans the 1...2...3 bags of prunes. 

Is she smiling as each one passes over the scanner? I just know that when she goes on break, she’ll whip that smart phone out of her pocket and post on Facebook, Twitter and any other social media that gets her message out there, “O.M.G. Mrs. H was in my line at DLM and she bought 3 bags of prunes! lololololol!!!!!” 

I can only imagine the comments on that post. The 8th grade Spanish teacher will be the butt of many mierda jokes...

Oh well, I did my duty and there’s no time to waste on these regular errands. 

The dependable child waits for the next list. 

the circle of life

The magic of Christmas...

I love Christmas and all that comes with it: the shopping, the wrapping, planning menus and preparing food, making sure each bed has crisp, clean sheets for the family members who will fill them, decorating and reminiscing about past Christmases, cleaning house, writing Christmas cards. The list of Christmas to-dos is long but I love it because it's all about family and friends. But there are those moments when the feeling of being overwhelmed washes over you and you have a mini-meltdown.

Out of the blue I get a text from my cousin Bill with a picture of a post card from Germany. Stopped me in my tracks. I knew exactly what it was.

My dad was in the Army, stationed in Germany. My mom sent a Christmas card to my cousin John from me. It was my first Christmas, John's second. 

What makes the story more incredible is that Bill's mother-in-law found this post card in a box of random cards that she purchased at an auction. And now, 61 years later, it is back with me.

All is calm.

This Town Is My Town {Dayton, OH}

A few years ago, back in the day, holy guacamole...31 years ago...I worked in that second tall building from the right. Today it's called the Key Bank Tower; back then it was the Mead Building. My first job out of college was in that building working as a paralegal for the largest law firm in Dayton, Smith & Schnacke.

One of the secretaries (that was the term back then but today it's administrative assistant) was from Atlanta, GA. Her husband had been transferred to Dayton for his job and her credentials landed her a position with one of the high-ranking partners in the firm. She hated everything about Dayton: nothing to do, winter (snow, ice, gray skies, COLD temperatures), no sophistication, no good department stores, no good restaurants, and she didn't like us Yankees.

During one of her frequent rants, she said, "Dayton doesn't even have a skyline. It's more of a sky dash." 

Whatever.

Not every city has a skyline of Atlanta, New York, San Francisco, or Chicago because Dayton is none of those. 

But it's my home...has been for the majority of my life...and this is my town.

In the words of the Michael Stanley Band:

"Oh, and this town

Is my town, alright?

Love it, hate it, it don't matter

'Cause I'm gonna stand and fight

This town is my town

She's got her ups and downs

But love it, hate it, it don't matter

'Cause this is my town."

thank you BERRY much!

"O, blackberry tart, with berries as big as your thumb, purple and black, and thick with juice, and a crust to endear them that will go to cream in your mouth, and both passing down with such a taste that will make you close your eyes and wish you might live forever in the wideness of that rich moment."  ~ Richard Llewellyn

These beauties screamed for me to buy them at a recent visit to the farmers market. 

The next morning they were breakfast. 

Just me. 

Straight from the container. 

Every last one...

Purple fingers!

Bliss.

Blackout Poetry

I love Instagram. 

It keeps me connected to friends and family, takes me to places all over the globe, inspires me to cook new dishes and foods, and opens my eyes to new ideas.

Ideas like blackout poetry.

So what is blackout poetry? It’s a process where readers create poems by redacting words from texts like newspapers, magazine pages, pages from books, letters, any type of text. When creating a blackout poem, don’t read the article first and don’t read the article as you normally would. The words are raw material and the topic of the article is irrelevant. Look for words and the images they suggest. The poems are read like any other piece of work, left to right, top to bottom.

Austin Kleon is an artist and writer who recently popularied blackout poetry. “I like to think of blackout poems like those old ‘Word Find’ and ‘Word Search’ puzzles we used to do in elementary school - a field of letters with hidden messages to find.”

My first attempt at blackout poetry is  "Mind Body Spirit." 

been there

frustration at work

stressful encounter with your teenager

hungry

closing in on dinnertime

no idea what to make.

willpower falls woefully short.

snarf down those chips

chomp on those cookies

stop a moment,

think

Wait.

mindfulness

manage stress and emotions

paying closer attention.

We often go through life on auto pilot

mindfulness is an emotional time-out.

slow down and focus on what's happening in the present moment,

tune out the chatter that goes on in your head

avoid those knee jerk responses

get better at staying with your emotions

Mind Body

Relaxation